Very few realize that not too long ago, my hair was nearly to my knees. Of course, it was nappy and dead and for all intents and purposes, it was straw. At long last, my friend Ana convinced me to entrust my mane to her scissors, and like Delilah, she'd give me a nice little trim.

Before: Hair nearly down to my knees in a skimpy little V, horns up and looking METAL even at the dawn of potential disaster. Before this, it had been years since my hair was given a proper trim. And even before that, I stopped significantly cutting my hair when big hair went out of style by the late 80's. Therefore, a lot of this hair is at least a decade old and quite dead.

This is how much will be cut off. I saved this pony tail.

Evil is afoot as Ana unleashes the mighty scissors, ready to snip and clip. Ooooooohhh nooooooo, says the hair in its best Mr.Bill voice.